Feeling Good?

What are issues in the world that are really important to you? How much does it impact your life? How often do you support that cause? 

These are questions that have been nagging me lately. Mostly, because my answers to these questions were contradictory. For instance, the first question: what issues are important to me. That's an extremely easy one: suicide prevention/help/support. I was hit very hard, very personally by suicide and it stays with me on a daily, hourly basis. Many things I do in my life are a direct result of being affected by it, whether good or bad choices I've made, it stays with me. Which basically answers my second question: how much does it impact my life. It impacts my life the way a bullet  impacts. Sharp, extremely painful, and constant. Constant. It can be rough, very rough. It has made me feel alone, belittled, unloved, disrespected, crushed, guilty, etc. I could go on forever. But it stays with me. Now, the last question: how do I support that cause...well, that brought pain to me. Because I haven't done what I'm capable of doing to support the cause. I could write down all of the excuses, but at the end of the day, it comes down to simply facing it. I haven't wanted to face it for multiple reasons.
But I've changed my mind. It took years to buck up, but finally, I have. I'm hoping there is support behind it. I was struggling with asking for donations until I talked to my family and a friend of mine who reminded me that I'm asking for money to support a cause I'm very passionate about, not asking for money to support my peanut butter addiction. So I decided, why not? Let's do this.
So I've sent out my letters, begging for support, and posted the donation link on facebook. What I can't believe is the people who have responded. It makes me incredibly proud and grateful and incredibly sad also. Why sad? Because suicide affects so many of us. And I hate that. If you've read my previous posts, you're starting to get an understanding of how much other's pain affects me, which is a lot. But it's okay. I truly don't mind this burden.
The reason for this blog? To tell you all that with everyday that passes until the suicide prevention walk, I'm becoming more confident and proud to do this, for ALL OF US.
So yes, I'm asking you to take a step back and look at what you can do to answer the questions above and feel good. Because feeling good while doing good is truly the best.

<3

www.afspdonordrive.com

"The little things... there's nothing bigger, is there?"

"When there is nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire."

True story. We all do it, don't we? Whether we're aware of it or not; whether it's emotionally, mentally, physically (PLEASE, DO NOT SET YOURSELF ON FIRE!!!!); or whether we simply shut down. At some point in all of our lives, we put ourselves through hell.

Do you ask yourself why? 
Probably. (Of course)
Quit it. 

Quit blaming yourself for failures you've experienced, witnessed, suffered, caused....(the list of descriptive words goes on forever, email me if you want a longer list). Let me list the cliche monumental statements we all hold so dearly (because sometimes we need to hear them).

"This too shall pass." 
"Life goes on."
"Shit happens."
"Time heals all wounds."
Etc, etc, etc......

I'm a firm believer in karma. I truly-with all of my shattered heart-believe the best things to happen to us are equal to the worst things we experience. 

Twisted? Probably. 
True? Absolutely.

 If you read that and thought, "Wow, Amanda is definitely as screwed up as I thought she was, probably more so."
let me put it in different, sunshiny words for you...

The worst things we experience are equal to the best things to happen to us.

Feel better? 
Hope so.

A movie in my top 5 is Vanilla Sky. And there is a quote I refer to always: 

"Just remember, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour, and I know the sour.

The sour sucks. As much as the sweet rules. Sometimes I go to the dark place in my head. What is so wrong with that? I understand no one wants to see me upset and depressed anymore. But sometimes I need to remind myself that as dark and lonely as I've felt, I don't have to be there again. Not by choice, anyhow.

It's hard not to miss what you loved with all of your heart. But doesn't that make me human?  I suppose this blog should have a point, but I'm kind of lost right now. But what is that saying?

Shit happens.

But I've experienced all of the cliche sayings. And I've proven I'll get past it...so I guess (I can't believe I'm saying this-)

This too shall pass.